Because of Who He is

It's late. I'm lying on my couch in comfy flanel pj's and drinking hot chocolate that has become lukewarm chocolate over the last 20 minutes. My living room is still decorated as if Christmas has not already passed. The lights that illuminate the room, aside from the light of my laptop, are "icicle lights" draped across the sliding glass door that separates me from the frigid air outside. The only sound in the room is the low murmur of the air conditioner, broken only by the clicks of my keyboard.

And yet, despite the atmosphere, I can't seem to focus on anything. My thoughts most closely resemble the movement of a Mexican jumping bean. I've never seen a Mexican jumping bean in action, but I imagine its movement is sporadic and haphazard. I'm bouncing around in my head all the events of the week, my personal thoughts, the conversations I had, my emotions, and the various things I've read. Just as jumping beans eventually lose their jump and settle into a a state of motionlessness, I'm hoping my thoughts will do the same.

One of my biggest struggles at the moment is my casual attitude toward the pursuit of holiness. It's a fairly recent development, at least I think it is. Let me explain. The Christian life, according to Dr. Martin Lloyd-Jones, is a balanced life between the mind, heart, and will. It's not only something you "know" or "feel" or "want," but a delicate combination of the three. You have to know what you are feeling in order to want it. My casual attitude is a result of my heart.

I know the Gospel message. I desire for my will to be aligned with God's will. But I am not loving the Lord. He is not my treasure because if He were, I would be shouting His name from the rooftops. None of love Him as we should. We are all sinners, undeserving of His grace. That's the beauty of grace. He saves us from ourselves because of Who He is, not because of who we are or what we do. And we do not "continue in sin that grace may abound," (Romans 6:1) but live unto righteousness because we "have been crucified with Christ and no longer live, but Christ lives in [us]." (Galatians 2:20)

I am not perfect, nor am I a slave to sin. This liberates and motivates me to pursue holiness in light of what Christ has done.