I've had quite a bit of "spare time" if you can even call it that. It feels more like I have some "spare work" in the midst of my free time. Regardless of what you or I may call it, I am slightly sickened by it and I know exactly why. There are two reasons "why," but only one matters.
Reason 1: I have been left to entertain thoughts, too many thoughts. Have you ever had the experience when you are trying in vain to fall asleep, but you have hundreds of different thoughts wandering through your mind like fruit flies looking for some vinegary solution in an empty kitchen. That has been my experience the days when I have no errands to run. Even as I try to read the books for my intern study program, my mind cannot focus. I've kept myself cooped up in this apartment for too long.
So, this past Friday I broke out of what seems to be a self-imposed jail and visited Marietta Square. To start, I took a wrong turn and ended up far from my destination. I used to pride myself on my directional talents. I still want to. That's why I didn't print out the directions. Now is not quite the time for me to express just how Georgia has messed with my inborn GPS.
The Square was so lovely. Artsy, antique-y, old-school buildings and shoppes. In keeping with the old town theme, the shops were all closed by six, which is just about the time I shifted into "PARK." Heh. So, I strolled and looked around. I wanted to just sit in a coffee shop, but I was too cheap to want to buy coffee. I chickened out and just walked on by, got in my car, and drove home. I did not pass "Go" and I did not collect $200.
Reason 2: Here is what really matters. I see this abundance of free time as a waste. I have only ever felt productive when I'm crossing items off a to-do list that exceeds the physical limits of what a person can do in a day. I've always known I defined myself and my days by my productivity. Sure, being productive can be glorifying to God, but that is not the only thing He calls us to be. Resting on Sundays can be just as glorifying.
I've been living in Sunday seven days a week. I feel lazy and I don't like lazy. I feel guilty when I spend everyday watching movies, driving through town without a destination, doing handstands against my apartment walls, falling asleep while reading, checking my e-mail every five minutes, walking around Marietta Square, eating everything in sight, and playing with my dog. So many people desire this free time. I am not saying that all of these things are okay to do all the time. I suppose I don't really know what I am saying. I'm just struggling with understanding what I should be doing instead.
The problem is that I am defining everything by my thoughts and feelings. The problem is that I'm making it all about me when it has nothing to do with me. What is God doing with me at this moment? How might I glorify Him in this blessing of time? I'll be looking for local volunteer opportunities, but, until then, I must learn patience.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
RUF Internship Update
Well, friends, I finally had a talk with my supervisor at RUF. He's given me an absolute deadline to raise the money for my internship. I have the rest of this week and next week to raise the rest of the funds necessary to employ me. I thank God that He has already blessed me with a little over $15,500 through the generosity of family, friends, and even a few complete strangers!Gracious! That's a lot of money already! Unfortunately, it is not enough to get me on campus and serving students.
In order to start meeting students and forming relationships, I need to raise 75% of the total $30,000, which comes to $23,000. Basically, I have less than two weeks to have $7,500 pledged in my name.
It's difficult to see all those dollar signs and not get discouraged. Even harder yet, is being in Kennesaw and not being able to start meeting the students who started classes this past Friday. The first RUF large group meeting is next Tuesday and I really want to be there. But I have to stop and see the bigger picture. I can't get discouraged because it is not over. My God is a big God and He is bigger than a few thousand dollars.
I ask you to pray:
Do you want to Give toward Christina's RUF Funds? Click the link below to find out how.
http://dominoesmom.blogspot.com/2008/05/interested-in-supporting-me-at-ksu.html
In order to start meeting students and forming relationships, I need to raise 75% of the total $30,000, which comes to $23,000. Basically, I have less than two weeks to have $7,500 pledged in my name.
It's difficult to see all those dollar signs and not get discouraged. Even harder yet, is being in Kennesaw and not being able to start meeting the students who started classes this past Friday. The first RUF large group meeting is next Tuesday and I really want to be there. But I have to stop and see the bigger picture. I can't get discouraged because it is not over. My God is a big God and He is bigger than a few thousand dollars.
I ask you to pray:
- for the campus ministry at KSU, the campus minister, and the students
- that the Holy Spirit will work to raise the $7,500 necessary to do ministry with RUF
- that I will be bold in asking people and do it all for the glory of God
Thank you all so much! I'll be in touch with you soon.
Do you want to Give toward Christina's RUF Funds? Click the link below to find out how.
http://dominoesmom.blogspot.com/2008/05/interested-in-supporting-me-at-ksu.html
Thursday, August 14, 2008
There's Coffee in Georgia
Did you know that Coffee is in Georgia. No, I'm not talking about the drink. I am talking about the county! Sounds like my kind of place. And what's up with every street name having "peachtree" in it. I still have yet to see one actual peachtree. (Though I wouldn't know what a peachtree without peaches looks like.)
Georgia is certainly different from Florida. With cities like Rome, Athens, Dallas, Nashville, and Gainesville, Georgia is made up of familiar names and unfamiliar places. Aren't there enough creative minds out there to come up with unique city names? I have known that Gainesville is not a city name unique to Gator Country, but it's still weird to drive through Georgia and see signs for Gainesville.
Even weirder yet, is writing the letters "GA" next to the space marked "State." I've moved around enough times in my lifetime that a new street address is not all that out of the ordinary. However, the first few times I wrote my new address I had to pause when I got to the state. Other than having spent many childhood summer vacations in Haiti with my grandparents and extended family, the only places I have been able to call home are Miami and Gainesville. (We'll ignore the fact that there's a Miami, Ohio.)
I like my new state. It's temperate. It's scenic. It's diverse. It's not far from Florida. I could see myself living here for a while, but who knows where the Lord will lead me in years to come? I've only been here for a bit, 14 days to be exact. I've only had a taste of what the peach state has to offer, but based on this taste, I'd order it "for here," not "to go."
Georgia is certainly different from Florida. With cities like Rome, Athens, Dallas, Nashville, and Gainesville, Georgia is made up of familiar names and unfamiliar places. Aren't there enough creative minds out there to come up with unique city names? I have known that Gainesville is not a city name unique to Gator Country, but it's still weird to drive through Georgia and see signs for Gainesville.
Even weirder yet, is writing the letters "GA" next to the space marked "State." I've moved around enough times in my lifetime that a new street address is not all that out of the ordinary. However, the first few times I wrote my new address I had to pause when I got to the state. Other than having spent many childhood summer vacations in Haiti with my grandparents and extended family, the only places I have been able to call home are Miami and Gainesville. (We'll ignore the fact that there's a Miami, Ohio.)
I like my new state. It's temperate. It's scenic. It's diverse. It's not far from Florida. I could see myself living here for a while, but who knows where the Lord will lead me in years to come? I've only been here for a bit, 14 days to be exact. I've only had a taste of what the peach state has to offer, but based on this taste, I'd order it "for here," not "to go."
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
God Brought Me Back to Life
What a journey these past two weeks have been! For the most part, I have been optimistic in God's ability and will to have me as an RUF Intern at Kennesaw State University. However, I must confess that earlier today, I was tempted to despair.
I am beginning to feel as if I have exhausted my contacts for support. I found myself sitting at home without a plan to move forward. I asked myself if the optimism I had been feeling before was truly faith or was it me deliberately ignoring God's "No." I wanted nothing more than to lie around and sulk. Uncertainty is not a pleasant feeling, but sometimes it's all we have as we wait for God work (and He is ALWAYS at work). I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I wanted to pout and throw a tantrum, but I didn't. In the past, I have entertained such moods and feelings.
Instead, I picked up my Bible and started reading 1 Peter. Instead of sitting around and asking God "Why?" or "What do I do?," I read His very Word. Granted, I didn't do this enthusiastically, but, still, He led me to read. His Word is always at my fingertips, yet I tend to treat it like any other book. This is His answer to our prayers. This is Him showing His love for us. This is Him breathing life into our hearts.
I know His Word transforms us, but I always thought of it soley as a slow, life-long process (which it is). But today, I felt it instantaneously. Satan tempted me to despair, but God brought me back to life.
After reading, I began doing and crossing things off my to-do list. I came back to my computer with some positive news in the support-raising realm. He continues to raise people up to support me as an intern. Though some would say the donations are small, they certainly add up and I am so thankful for them. He has not called me to quit. He has not given me a "No."
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'"
-Jeremiah 29:11-13
Amen!
I am beginning to feel as if I have exhausted my contacts for support. I found myself sitting at home without a plan to move forward. I asked myself if the optimism I had been feeling before was truly faith or was it me deliberately ignoring God's "No." I wanted nothing more than to lie around and sulk. Uncertainty is not a pleasant feeling, but sometimes it's all we have as we wait for God work (and He is ALWAYS at work). I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I wanted to pout and throw a tantrum, but I didn't. In the past, I have entertained such moods and feelings.
Instead, I picked up my Bible and started reading 1 Peter. Instead of sitting around and asking God "Why?" or "What do I do?," I read His very Word. Granted, I didn't do this enthusiastically, but, still, He led me to read. His Word is always at my fingertips, yet I tend to treat it like any other book. This is His answer to our prayers. This is Him showing His love for us. This is Him breathing life into our hearts.
I know His Word transforms us, but I always thought of it soley as a slow, life-long process (which it is). But today, I felt it instantaneously. Satan tempted me to despair, but God brought me back to life.
After reading, I began doing and crossing things off my to-do list. I came back to my computer with some positive news in the support-raising realm. He continues to raise people up to support me as an intern. Though some would say the donations are small, they certainly add up and I am so thankful for them. He has not called me to quit. He has not given me a "No."
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'"
-Jeremiah 29:11-13
Amen!
Monday, August 4, 2008
The Newness of Life
I am currently sitting in my new room in my new apartment in a new city in a new state. I still can't believe I am a resident of Kennesaw, Georgia. It all seems so surreal. It all happened so fast. Still, I have this sense of peace about it all. I haven't had any second thoughts about my decision to move here.
The town is so beautiful. On Saturday, I saw what I believe to be Kennesaw Mountain. Oh how I love mountains! What an amazing reminder of how great our Creator is! I think I could have just sat parked on Cobb Parkway and stared out for hours. I can't wait to get up close and personal.
Unfortunately, the mountains will have to wait. Now, that I have made the move from Florida to Georgia, I must refocus my efforts to raising support for my RUF Internship at Kennesaw State University. Even though, I have not been actively fundraising this past week, God has been working in people's hearts to give. He has raised nearly half of the money I need. Oh, He is so so good to me!
I am trying not to discern His plan from recent events because anything can happen. I am not giving up. Seriously, my heart beats significantly faster when I start to think of my possible future job as an RUF intern because I am so excited to serve Him through this ministry. I pray that this is His plan for my life and I am trusting in His provisions, whatever they may be.
This part of my life's journey has been so amazing. The Holy Spirit has been working in my heart in ways I could have never predicted. Everyday, I am a different person than the day before. The newness of life in Christ grows deeper each day as I begin to understand what it's like to truly Live. I simply cannot wait to continue this journey!
Thank you all so much for your prayers! I know He hears them.
The town is so beautiful. On Saturday, I saw what I believe to be Kennesaw Mountain. Oh how I love mountains! What an amazing reminder of how great our Creator is! I think I could have just sat parked on Cobb Parkway and stared out for hours. I can't wait to get up close and personal.
Unfortunately, the mountains will have to wait. Now, that I have made the move from Florida to Georgia, I must refocus my efforts to raising support for my RUF Internship at Kennesaw State University. Even though, I have not been actively fundraising this past week, God has been working in people's hearts to give. He has raised nearly half of the money I need. Oh, He is so so good to me!
I am trying not to discern His plan from recent events because anything can happen. I am not giving up. Seriously, my heart beats significantly faster when I start to think of my possible future job as an RUF intern because I am so excited to serve Him through this ministry. I pray that this is His plan for my life and I am trusting in His provisions, whatever they may be.
This part of my life's journey has been so amazing. The Holy Spirit has been working in my heart in ways I could have never predicted. Everyday, I am a different person than the day before. The newness of life in Christ grows deeper each day as I begin to understand what it's like to truly Live. I simply cannot wait to continue this journey!
Thank you all so much for your prayers! I know He hears them.
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