Spent

It's been a rough couple of weeks for us. I'm not sure if it's that everything is happening now or if it's only now that I'm hearing about all of it. Many of our students are going through some very real situations evoking very real emotions.

I sit across the table from one girl and I want desparately to alleviate her pain. An hour later, I find myself sitting across from another girl who is going through something altogether different, but just as painful. All I can do is offer them the love of Christ and pray that they turn to Him in difficult times. My heart longs for them to see and understand the riches, joy, and hope they have in Jesus. Riches that are great, a joy that is everlasting, and a hope that is certain.

I don't know if God is calling me to do more than listen. Sometimes, we need to get to a point so low that we can only turn to God. Thus, I am weary of my desire to take away their pain...the same pain that drove ME to Him. I go home exhausted with my heart heavy. I am emotionally spent.

I have to remind myself that when I am emotionally spent and have little to give, He can and will take care of us all. "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:19)

Signed in Blood

Okay, so I don't even know where to begin... In the past month or so, I have been beginning to slip into robot mode in my relationship with the Lord. I read my Bible for our study program; I read theological books; I pray for the girls I meet with. That's all good, but much sinfulness can be disguised by "good" things. I have let Christ become my work and not my treasure. My relationship with Him is like that of a married couple who takes each other's love for granted and never says "I love you" anymore or shows love and appreciation...except that Christ still does all those things for me and I'm indifferent. How awful! I want to want to read and bask in God's Word. I want to want to have heart-to-hearts with Him. Instead, I just find myself clicking on facebook profiles or changing the channel when I have free time. It's most frustrating to know the solution is to rest in Christ and run to Him when things come up, but to not do it. Rah!

Today, my freshmen girls and I started our Bible study of Ephesians. "In love, he predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves." (Ephesians 1:5-6) Predestination was a fun topic to prepare for. Heh. Anyway, we got to the word adoption and started talking about the legal process of adoption. The thing that makes it all final is the signature. Christ didn't just sign the papers. He signed my papers, our papers in His blood! And not just the blood he drew from a single needle prick in His arm, but the blood that was drawn from raw whip-slashes, thornes, weapons, and the like! After all that I've done to Him, he still grabs the metaphorical pen, signs my papers, gives me fine clothes in exchange for my filthy rags, and beckons me to run into His open arms!

I knew all this, but, somewhere along the way, I lost sight of Him. The power of the Word just hit me like a jumbo jet at full speed today in the middle of "work." Isn't that a picture of us all? We need to be continually reminded of the Gospel day in and day out. And even then, we don't "get it" completely.