Relationships Are Messy

I recently rediscovered my Red Hot Chili Peppers Greatest Hits CD. I have a distinct memory from several years ago when the song "Californication" came out on MTV. Every time I hear the song, I am thrown back into my old room in Miami. It's late at night…more like early in the morning. I am watching TV and I see this animated music video that looks like a video game. It has a catchy tune. I didn't understand the meaning behind the title "Californication."

It's one of those weird memories that has little bearing on the outcome of my life. But it's a vivid memory for whatever reason. Now, as I listen more closely to the lyrics of the song, I gain a different perspective and a greater respect for the title. The song describes the effects of all that Hollywood has to offer, or in this case not offer. Hollywood plants seeds of desire in us. Everything from perfect skin to muscular physiques to big homes to casual sex is glorified.

In talking with girls about life, the subject of "boys" is always sure to come up. I sit across from a girl as she tells me that she doesn't feel "good enough" for a certain guy. Another girl tells me that she is sure that she IS going to marry her current boyfriend even though he's "not there yet." Still another girl confesses that she's not sure she wants to continue dating her current boyfriend because he doesn't do all the things boyfriends "should do." It's no surprise that pornography places impossible expectations on women. We are not flawless. But what about the unrealistic expectations placed on men and women by the "hard core soft porn" that this song talks about?

In the media, romance and passion are glorified. Timing is always perfect. Major issues are resolved within hours. Love is wrongly defined as passion and attraction. Yes, passion and attraction are a part of the definition, but what about the choice to love someone who will undoubtedly let you down? Ladies and gentlemen, your partner will not do everything right. He or she will make you cry. He or she will forget something that means a lot to you. The difference between the one you should date/marry and the one you shouldn't date/marry is the heart. Does this person hate his or her own sin? Does this person care that they hurt you? Does this person desire to change?

Relationships, including those between friends and family, are messy. They are not a pretty, shiny box neatly tied together with a bow. The messiness is part of the beauty of the relationship. It's why marriage vows include "for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health." Forgiveness is just as beautiful as romance. Sanctification is beautiful. Overcoming obstacles together is beautiful. It's in Christ that we find the power to forgive and be sanctified and overcome. That is beautiful. That is love.

Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Patience

This past weekend, my church had it's annual missions conference. In addition to the testimonials of of several of the missionaries our church supports, we had a main speaker who preached each day on the attributes of God and their missional implications.

Firday night, he preached about the patience of God. He showed us how God was/is patient with Adam, the Amorites, the Israelites, the gentiles, believers, and nonbelievers. He showed us that God calls us to be patient with one another and that patience is a fruit of the Spirit. I thought to myself, "I think I've got that one down. I'm pretty good at being patient with others. I pretty good at giving people second and third chances." Obviously, pride and arrogance are still a struggle for me. Nonetheless, it was still a great sermon and there is still much to be learned about the patience of God and the patience He has for me in my sin every second of the day.

I had a twenty minute drive home to think about what I had just heard. I thanked God for the patience He has with me. Frustrated with my sinfulness, I finally got it. I am not patient. I don't always have patience for God. I don't have patience with myself. The Lord has more patience for me than I have for Him or myself.

Who am I that my judgement of myself should take precedence over my Creator's judgement of me? Who am I to say that I do or don't deserve punishments or blessings? Who am I to think that I know better than God?

Ah! The foolishness of man!

Though my lips say otherwise, my heart still sometimes believes there is such a thing as "good enough." No one is good enough. It's either you are good or you are evil. No one is good. That is why we have Jesus. He is good and His death is so that I may live without condemnation. (Romans 8:1) He took the penalty for my past, present, and future sins. God looks at me and sees Christ's perfection. That is grace and mercy. It's not a license to sin, but a freedom from it.

So, dear friends, have patience with each other, with God, and with yourself. Don't do it because you have to or even "should." Do it out of gratitude for the patience you have been given.

Wonderfully Exhausting

I just got back from RUF October training last week. About three times each year, we come together to learn, fellowship, and grow. On our nights off, we exchange stories and hugs. We crowd around long tables and enjoy each others' company. Training provides an atmosphere where we can have candid conversations that leave me deep in thought. It's wonderfully exhausting, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I come home from training and realize how much I crave (and thrive on) good debates and deep discussions, especially in small groups. I'm definitely a relational being. I want to hear people's ideas and examine their perspectives. I want my ideas and perspectives to be challenged. I want to be reminded, convicted, confused, and engaged by others.

To some extent, that is what I do with students. That's part of why I love this ministry God has called me to. It's all relational. But there is an aspect of having to hold some things back when it comes to students, an aspect that completely disappears in peer relationships. Hmmm...