Relationships Are Messy

I recently rediscovered my Red Hot Chili Peppers Greatest Hits CD. I have a distinct memory from several years ago when the song "Californication" came out on MTV. Every time I hear the song, I am thrown back into my old room in Miami. It's late at night…more like early in the morning. I am watching TV and I see this animated music video that looks like a video game. It has a catchy tune. I didn't understand the meaning behind the title "Californication."

It's one of those weird memories that has little bearing on the outcome of my life. But it's a vivid memory for whatever reason. Now, as I listen more closely to the lyrics of the song, I gain a different perspective and a greater respect for the title. The song describes the effects of all that Hollywood has to offer, or in this case not offer. Hollywood plants seeds of desire in us. Everything from perfect skin to muscular physiques to big homes to casual sex is glorified.

In talking with girls about life, the subject of "boys" is always sure to come up. I sit across from a girl as she tells me that she doesn't feel "good enough" for a certain guy. Another girl tells me that she is sure that she IS going to marry her current boyfriend even though he's "not there yet." Still another girl confesses that she's not sure she wants to continue dating her current boyfriend because he doesn't do all the things boyfriends "should do." It's no surprise that pornography places impossible expectations on women. We are not flawless. But what about the unrealistic expectations placed on men and women by the "hard core soft porn" that this song talks about?

In the media, romance and passion are glorified. Timing is always perfect. Major issues are resolved within hours. Love is wrongly defined as passion and attraction. Yes, passion and attraction are a part of the definition, but what about the choice to love someone who will undoubtedly let you down? Ladies and gentlemen, your partner will not do everything right. He or she will make you cry. He or she will forget something that means a lot to you. The difference between the one you should date/marry and the one you shouldn't date/marry is the heart. Does this person hate his or her own sin? Does this person care that they hurt you? Does this person desire to change?

Relationships, including those between friends and family, are messy. They are not a pretty, shiny box neatly tied together with a bow. The messiness is part of the beauty of the relationship. It's why marriage vows include "for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health." Forgiveness is just as beautiful as romance. Sanctification is beautiful. Overcoming obstacles together is beautiful. It's in Christ that we find the power to forgive and be sanctified and overcome. That is beautiful. That is love.

Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."