Daddy!

So, I've spent the past couple of days signing, stuffing, and sealing support letters. I have a little over 50 people on my list, which sounds frighteningly low because it is. Everyone else I have talked to has well over 100 contacts. This is all the more reason to learn to truly trust the Lord. In Him, ALL things are possible.

One of the people on my list is my father, a man I have never seen or met. I grew up wondering about who he was and what he looked like. Three years ago, I found out where he lived and sent him a letter. I never got a response. That was, hands down, the most awful time in my life. I strayed from my other Father and distanced myself from my family and friends. It took me two years to put the whole experience in the background. I'm so numb to it, that thinking about it evokes no emotion whatsoever. It's one of the things I hide under my mask. It's a secret I keep. It's the thing that no one wants to ask me about because no one knows what to say.

I decided to send him my support letter. With it, I enclosed yet another letter to him expressing my desire to get to know him. I told him what the last letter did to me emotionally and begged him to give me some sort of response so that I may have closure. If I got a note in the mail saying "Leave me alone!," then at least I could stop wondering if he ever got my letters. It would hurt. I would be brokenhearted, but it would be closure.

The only One who will bring me through what I am about to go through is the only One I can call Daddy. Right now, I'm silently screaming "Daddy!"